[Cupcake Portraits] Discworld Personalities: Esme Weatherwax

"Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things. Well-known fact."

- Esme Weatherwax (in Wyrd Sisters)

First in what will hopefully become a long series of Discworld Personalities, I hereby present you Esme Weatherwax - doyenne of witches, Hag O' Hags, She-Who-Must-Be-Avoided...

Image belongs to Paul Kidby @ http://www.paulkidby.com

...Not the Maid. Not the Mother. The Other One. 

Image belongs to Daniel Abbott @ http://funnyguy90.deviantart.com

The first time I read Equal Rites, a few years ago, I took an immediate dislike to her.

Nowadays... I don't know. My first impression is usually the one I stick to, whether it is real people we're talking about or characters in a book. 

I mean, I know deep down she's a good-hearted, caring old woman. But, she's also a stubborn, bossy, insular-minded, proudly ignorant old bwitch. And her dislike of fiction, and - gosh!- books in general, is a trait I really can't brush aside.

Still... Esme's down-to-earth, no-nonsense attitude strongly reminds me of my own grandmother, who practically raised me, and who is terminally ill at the time I am writing. Born to a poor family, she was orphaned as a little child, was adopted by an aunt who didn't care at all about her, and was forced to give up school and go to work at a very early age. 

She worked in a factory for most of her life, and her surviving colleagues - both male and female - fondly remember the way she kept them all in line. 

She elbowed her way through WWII (despite a very Jewish-sounding family name) and its aftermath, and amid all of this, she married and had a child - my father. 

And when, once again, her husband passed away early and she was left to fend for herself and her son, she managed to feed them both, end even to let him continue his education long enogh to become an accountant. 

And after all of this, in her late years, she still had energies left for the two little brats that were my brother and myself. 

I guess for some women, stubbornness and an unflinching self-assurance are survival traits.

Because of this (albeit tenuous) resemblance, I can't bring myself to truly despise Granny Weatherwax. 

Let it just be said that I roll my eyes at her a lot. She's one of those characters I really love to hate - in a good way!

Aaand...

...here is her cupcake portrait. 

Herbal Liqueur-Flavoured Honey Cupcakes with Goat Cheese Frosting

Now how's this for a peace offering, Esme dear?

Herbal Liqueur-Flavoured Honey Cupcakes
Ingredients:

* 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 tsp baking powder
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 2 tsp ground ginger
* 2 tsp ground cinnamon
* 1/2 tsp ground cloves
* 1/2 tsp salt
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp.
* 1 cup packed light brown sugar
* 2 eggs
* 1 cup chestnut honey
* 1/2 cup herbal liqueur of your choice
* 3/4 cup hot water
(be sure to scroll down for the syrup and frosting ingredients!) 

1.  Pre-heat oven to 350° F.

2.  Sift the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and spices) into a bowl.

3.  Cream the butter and sugar (a stand mixer is a godsend for this!)

4.  Mix in the eggs, one at a time, then the honey and finally the herbal liqueur.

Be sure to scrape the sides of the bowl if you're using a mixer!

5.  Gradually add the dry ingredients, stirring until combined. Don't overmix!

6.  Finally, stir in the hot (not boiling!) water...

7.  ...and pour the batter into a cupcakes mold, lined with paper wrappers (black, of course!)

I got exactly 12 cupcakes out of the doses I gave you!

8.  Carefully place a water-filled silicon cup on the oven's bottom. It will slowly evaporate and the humidiy will make your cupcakes wonderfully soft and moist.

This is a neat trick that you can use every time you bake cupcakes!

9.  Bake until done (mine took a full 20 minutes but then again, my oven always takes longer than most to get there. I'd say you should start checking for doneness after 12-15 minutes.)

10. Glare at them until they're cowed, then... eat them!

These cupcakes are soft and delicious, and will stay so for 2-3 days (in your fridge and carefully covered); plus they bake flat - which is handy for decorating purposes - and can be frozen for later consumption (unfrosted, of course!)

This recipe is not exactly swiped, as I tweaked it slightly to get lighter, cupcake-friendlier consistency, but credit must be given where it's due: it   is heavily inspired by Lucy Baker's Jägermeister and Honey Bundt Cake, from her book The Boozy Baker: 75 Recipes for Spirited Sweets (gorgeous book btw!)

That cake was, in turn, based on the cocktail called Honey Bear. So if you're planning a funny sabbath with your fellow witches, mix up a few shots - just be sure to replace the Frangelico with the same liquor you put in your cupcakes - and you're granted to end up with a very tipsy, very giggly coven! (Not that Granny Weatherwax would approve of it at all, but still...)

Honey & Herbal Liqueur Syrup

Ingredients:

* 12 Tbsp chestnut honey

* 6 Tbsp herbal liqueur

Pour the honey and liqueur in a small saucepan. Heat on low fire, stirring constantly. Turn it off as soon as the mixture starts boiling.

Let it cool off slightly, then spoon some syrup onto each cupcake. 

It is perfectly fine to call them done at this point!

Or, if you're lucky enough (as I am!) to know a beekeeper who will provide you with whole honey combs...

...you can cut off a little piece, and place it atop your cuppies!

If, on the other hand, you happen to be a gung-ho "cupcakes must be iced" kind of person...

Goat Cheese Icing
Ingredients:

* 8 ounces goat cheese (the fresher, the better!)
* 1/8 cup + 1 Tbsp light brown sugar
* 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
* 1/2 cup heavy cream
* 1/8 confectioner's sugar

1.  Cream the goat cheese, brown sugar, and vanilla extract. 

2.  Whip the heavy cream with the confectioner's sugar. (Make sure to refrigerate both the bowl and the cream itself beforehand; it will be much easier this way!)

3.  Gently fold the whipped cream into the cheese mixture with a rubber spatula. 

Spoon a dollop of icing on top of each cupcake. No fancy swirl-piping for Esme!

Cover your cupcakes and put them in the fridge (ditto for any leftover syrup and icing.)

Time to prepare the decoration! 

I wanted to keep it simple, so I merely rolled some black fondant, cut out some hats (cutter's from Silikomart's Halloween Set), and picked out the buckle detail with edible golden gel...

...but you could surely go fancier than this! E.g. you could model a 3-D version of Granny's hat out of black fondant, or you could make a stylised portrait of hers into a topper. Why not making a few objects associated with the character, such as hat pins, an owl, or the infamous "ATEN'T DEAD" sign? 

Also, I guess you could tint the icing black and call it a day. I actually considered doing so, but decided against it in the end - I think a natural look suits Granny Weatherwax better. And frankly, if ever I'll go to the trouble of attempting an all-black look, it will be for, ah... someone who looks far sexier in it than some old witch. Just saying. 

Just remember: if you're making your toppers out of fondant, prepare them at least the day before, so they'll have time to dry. And don't put them on the actual cupcakes until the last moment, otherwise they'll melt out of shape, and leave nasty black smudges on your icing. Ewww!

Hey, guess what? You're done!

If you have some syrup and goat cheese cream left, serve them alongside the cupcakes, so your guest will be able to plop some more on them if they like their dessert well-soaked!

When making up this particular cupcake recipe for Esme, I was merely thinking of something she could conceivably bake herself in her cottage amid the mountains of Lancre. Granny gathers herbs in the thicket, raises goats, and keeps hives - thus I went, "Hell yeah, triple check!"

But later on, while taste-testing the resulting cuppies (hey, it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it!), it struck me that they reminded me of her in another, subtler way - the first impression you're going to get of them is bound to be the tangy, slightly gamy taste of the goat cheese. If you don't let yourself be put off by it, though, the underlying sweetness will emerge, alongside with a slight bitterness from the herbal liqueur... all of them merging into a more complex, delicious flavour. 

Thus, in the end, I think I got a thing that looks more like the thing than I had intended. Which is, like, totally appropriate for Granny Weatherwax, wouldn't you agree?

PS - Should you still have leftover frosting, throw a handful of your favourite nuts in it and dip sliced Granny Smith apples in the creamy goaty goodness. Or else, spread it on your favourite bread and top with fresh figs and/or grapes. In both instances, feel free to use up any remaining syrup too! (And to double the batch next time, so as to get more leftover...)

[T&T] Lady's Choice Delicious Wholesome Filipino-Style Liver Spread

First of all, allow me to set matters straight: I am not targeting Filipino products in particular.

It's just that this awesome Asian grocery opened right near where I live, so I've been wandering among the aisles in a happy daze over the past few days - and while I am familiar with many of the Chinese and Japanese products they carry, the Filipino stuff is a whole new world for me to explore.

Today I'm going to sample Lady's Choice Delicious Wholesome Filipino-Style Liver Spread - I picked it up because I love liver, plus at a whopping 1.30 € for 165 g (approx. 5.8 ounces) it was a steal!

The tin was undamaged and easy to open.

Here's what the content looks like...

...and a spoonful of it for you to look at.

Basically what I want you to appreciate is how evenly creamy the texture is, which is a big winner for me.

I ate a spread once in which some bits of meat were still recognizable, and I happened to spot a small tubular thingie that looked suspiciously like a vein segment.

Now, I know there are offal in this spread as well - swine heart, lung, and head, according to the label - but they're all minced up nicely so that I don't have to see any icky bits.

The flavour is... well, pretty liver-y. So much so, in fact, that I suspected it might be artificial, as the actual liver content of this spread is about 21%, and not even in foie gras - which is pretty much 100% of the real stuff - does the taste come through so intensely.
Still, the listed ingredients include the usual thickening and colouring additives, but no artificial flavourings - and since it is imported through a U.K.-based company and British standards are usually very stict, I don't doubt the contents are as declared.

I guess the different meats were mixed in some smart way so that the liver's the real star.

The spread by itself was good enough for me to eat a couple spoonfuls right off the tin, but IMHO it needs something to balance the strong liver flavour - in short, it's quintessential sandwich material!

I sloshed some of it on half a loaf of French bread with sliced cheese, pickled hot chilies, and a little mayo. The other half got the same, except I was out of chilies, so I put in a boiled egg instead.

Both variations were delicious, and even more so after a few hours; I will surely buy more tins for those times when I need to whip up a quick snack to wrap up and take to work.

I think it might be good that the label gives no nutritional values though...

Long time no see!

OMG has she disappeared already? 

Do not be afraid (or, as the case may be, hopeful). 
I aten't dead. I am still here. 

I admit I've felt a bit burned out after the huge effort that was the Super Mario Bros cake, plus the night shifts at work have been upon me again, and - no matter how much I refine my strategies to get some sleep during the day - they never fail to mess me up for days to follow. 

As far as this blog is concerned, I mainly thought up some new features I could do to keep you  guys (and gals) interested when I'm not in a baking mood, or have no time to engage in fancy decoration. 

One of those you already got a taste of - it's the Tried & Tested section, where I will ramble about the food I've sampled (mainly outlandish stuff from the many ethnic markets in my town) and the restaurants I've been to. 

The other is a pet project of mine, the one I've been wanting to kick into motion ever since the very beginning: The Fanbaking Project. 

OK, so in a sense I did so already, with the tutorials for making Japanese Curry and then Kareh-pan. 

It was great fun and I will surely keep hunting for ways to reproduce food seen (or read about) in my favourite movies, anime, manga and books; but other foodies have been doing this for a while and far better than I could hope to.
Jump to Fictional Food if you don't know what I'm talking about, because seriously, that blog is everything I wish mine could be. It's smart, entertaining, has beautiful photography, and you wouldn't believe the lenghts she has gone to in order to get her Hunger Games-inspired dishes just right. Now that is dedication!

What I really want to do, and I don't think anyone is doing right now - but feel free to prove me wrong on this! - is a Cupcake Portraits series. 

I will, in short, bake (and maybe decorate) cupcakes inspired each by a specific character, picked from different sources according to my whim. 

I think in the near future I will focus on the manga (and anime) series Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler, and on the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. 

Because this, my Lords and Ladies, is how I roll at the moment!

...oh, and by the way: tomorrow I should get the first drafts of what will be my logo. 

Aren't you excited? Because I AM!  

[T&T] Mama Sita's Sinigang sa Sampalok (Filipino tamarind seasoning mix)

”The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.”

- St. Augustine

What can I say to that? While not a fan of the man himself - inveterate unbeliever that I am - , I have to admit he got this one right.

And, while I may be too poor (OK, and lazy too...) to get around much, I like to keep an open mind and sample as much of the other cultures as I can. Especially as far as food is concerned - but you guessed that much, right?

The average Italian could probably name at least a couple Chinese or Japanese dishes, but Filipino cuisine is not as well-known as other Asian ones - pity, really, because it is unique and quite interesting.

Immigration from the Philippines is as strong as ever, though, and more and more Pinoy-specific groceries and foodstores are popping up, catering for the cravings of this ever-growing community.

Scouring ethnic shops is a well-known pastime of mine, so I quickly became familiar with Mama Sita's, which is pretty much synonymous with Filipino food.

I bought a nice selection of sauces and marinades in the past, both powdered and bottled, and loved them all. Likewise I enjoy Ube Halaya, coconut jelly, jackfruit, and everything mango... so you see I was pretty much ready to declare myself a honorary Pinay.

And when I stumbled into this, I knew I had to try it.



The blurb on the package (which was exhaustive and written in very good English btw) stated that the main ingredient of the mix was unripe tamarind, which would result in a soup with a a distinctively sour, fruity taste.

...Well isn't it gorgeous? I love soup! I love tamarind! I love sour! I'm going to LOVE this!

So here's my huge pot of water, with a quartered onion and a few cherry tomatoes floating in it. At this point I had already stirred in the package's content - I didn't take a pic of it but I guess it's better this way, since it was a lumpy pinkish mush that, quite frankly, reminded me of puke...

Still following the recipe given, I then added long green peppers and brought it all to a boil...


"Double, double, toil and trouble! Fire, burn! And cauldron, bubble!"

(Heh. In case you didn't notice, I gave up apologising about this sort of things a while ago...)



The recipe called for turnips, long beans and spinach at this point, but I added a frozen minestrone mix instead - granted, cranberry beans may not be an ingredient one would immediately associate with the Philippine islands, still...

...lookie, it's beans all right, 'nkay?

Last but not least, shrimps. Lots of them!

The result was pretty enough; so much so, in fact, that I confidently served it to my unsuspecting sweetie...

Now my sweetie, he has read quite a few pages of St. Augustine's metaphorical book, having travelled extensively through Asia in the past; but the best he could say about this soup was, "I bet it's really healthy" - which, as you might be suspecting, is Latin for, "Yeuch, this stuff is disgusting!"

We ended up forlornly plucking shrimps out of the broth, and eating them dejectedly, as neither of us -try as we might - could stomach a second serving of it.

The fact is, it was sour. Sour soup is yummy, mind you, but in this instance... let us just say I don't mean it in a pretty way.

It was, frankly, off-putting - I tried adding salt and it helped a little, but it was still way far from the "heavenly comfort food" it was meant to be.

As my sweetie wisely said, it tasted unfinished...

 

...thus, before giving in to the Dark Side and publicly bashing both Mama Sita's product and what was inexplicably a beloved national dish for a whole nation, I took a steadying breath and did what I should have done before - I searched YouTube...

 

...and found this.

See where mine went wrong? I SKIPPED THE FISH JUICE!

Now to be honest, the recipe on the package went: "Add fish juice to taste"... which I had mistakenly registered as, "You can add it if you like".

So - me being this adorable ball of stubbornness you have come to love (er, right?) - I saved the leftover broth (and, ye Gods, I had lots of it!), got myself a bottle of fish juice, and decided to give Sinigang sa Sampalok another chance before passing judgement.

Yes, I know. Strict but fair, that's me in a nutshell!

Guess what? It made a HUGE difference!

The fish stuff turned the broth sligtly darker, deliciously hearty, and umami-laden in a way that worked perfectly with the basic sourness.

I ended up eating all of the leftover broth by myself, and although I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to making more any time soon, I certainly wouldn't mind trying the real thing if only I could manage to find a Filipino restaurant!

Of new beginnings and Italian plumbers

So. 

It is my birthday today (YAY!) and, as someone might remember from my very first entry, this date was supposed to mark the official start of my blog. 

I mean, we've been joking up to now, right? Warming up. Flexing our muscles, exchanging some friendly banter and so on. 

But now? 

Now's when the game gets tough. 

I could tell you how I enrolled on a photography class on Craftsy, in order to overcome my fear of a digicam once and for all. 

I could extoll the designers I entrusted with the task of creating a logo worth of my Efreet-y self. 

BUT. 

You all don't give a damn about that, right? 

You're here for the cake. 

Aww come on, do not pretend you don't know the one I'm talking about. 

THIS ONE.

My Super Mario Bros cake!

Starring Luigi... 

...and everyone's favorite Italian plumber*, Mario! 

Booty shot! Aren't those Silver Stars cute? 

The very same cake, with the sugarpaste decorations and the candle removed. 

You can see the wonky shape a little better in this one (and the flaws in my fondant stripes too, unfortunately...)

Well, it sure looks pretty. But was the actual cake any good? 

The following one's for all of you Doubting Thomases out there... 

(My answer to the above would be: If done well, a decorated cake is way yummy! I wouldn't go as far as eating the fondant figures myself, but the covering was thin enough to complement the hyper-chocolatey cake nicely, without overwhelming it with sweetness.)

I find it strangely fitting to post this cake today. I am really proud of it, and even if I know there are things I could have done better - that blasted striping AAARGH! - I learned a lot from it, and it gave my confidence a huge boost. 

It seems I can do designer cakes after all!

Plus, the kid I made it for was happy with it. In the end, this is the thing that really matters!


* = Although, I have to confess, not mine. I always thought Luigi's far cuter. He definitely deserves some more love!

OMG I'm doing it all wrong!

"If a poet sees a daffodil he stares at it and writes a long poem about it, but Twoflower wanders off to find a book on botany. And treads on it."

- Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

OK, but - I hear you asking, O Faithful Reader, - what do we owe this quote to? 
To which I will reply: Shut your mouth, O Faithful Reader, and mind your own business. Since when do I need a logical reason to throw in a Discworld reference? 
Geez. Faithful Readers nowadays!

Anyway, if you have to know: I think my brain must be wired much like Twoflower's, because I generally have an urge to do the same - sticking my nose into a thing, picking it apart until I feel I got a good grasp of how it works. 
Then I either lose interest in it, or fall head-over-heels for it, at which point I will obsess over it until I am satisfied I'm doing it just right.

Take, for instance, this whole blogging business.

I am an avid blog reader; blogs are what I resort to during those interminable night shifts at work, or whenever I feel like stalking other people's pantry (and frankly, it happens quite often.)

I know sometimes I take an immediate liking to a blog I just stumbled into while googling for some recipe or other, and other times I find one that is choke filled with food I absolutely love, but something ineffable about its layout repels me so strongly that I have to give it up unless I can get the bare text through my feeds reader.

You'd suppose I should be able to put a finger on what works for me, and mimic it in my own blog. But NO.

So when one of those social buying websites offered a strongly discounted ticket for a blogging seminar to be held in my town, I decided to attend.

According to the confirmation mail I got, the seminar was going to start this morning at 9.00, in a hotel quite far from where I live. I had to wake up a 6.00 this morning... which is nothing unusual to me, but what the heck! I took a day off for this, I was hoping to get some more sleep!

I was a bit grumpy already by the time I reached the hotel (I wish I had taken some pics, but I felt kinda self-conscious standing there in the hall...)

We were about 40 people in there, and after a while it become clear to us that something was wrong - the receptionist wasn't telling us anything, but she was looking a little frantic.

One of the would-be attendees, on her own initiative, contacted the speaker through Facebook and discovered that he wasn't even in town... so in the end, the organisation admitted to the boo-boo. They could send in a replacement speaker, in a couple hours.

I won't describe what happened next, because it wasn't pretty. Some of the people there had come by train from other parts of the country; others were counting on the seminar to be over in the early afternoon, and had things to do later on.

We might, as a whole, have been a bit hard on the hotel staff, who had no fault since they were only providing a location. It is also true that they'd have kept there indefinitely without an explaination, even though no one was arriving so there could be no doubt that something fishy was going on. And even afterwards... they could have, I don't know, offered us coffee. Or told us where the toilets were, should we need them. But no, they just hoarded us all in a corner so that we wouldn't bother their paying guests.
Sigh.

In the end, those among us who stayed got to hear some very good tips about blogging in general (although the seminar was nominally geared towards foodies).

The speaker was very nice and knew his subject matter quite well - a bit too well maybe, as I felt the strategies he outlined were meant for people aiming at making a living out of their online presence, as opposed to those who blog for fun in their spare time (but still wish to make a decent job of it.)

And while I don't agree with everything he said, he most definitely made some good points. Namely:

1.  My blog should reflect my own personality. I must accept that not everyone will like it.

2.  I should update it more regularly (although I don't feel I need to go so far as posting on fixed days, like he suggested.)

3.  I should put some effort into my online presence - while I HATE Facebook with a passion, there are other social networks such as Pinterest and Google+, which I could use to keep in touch with other foodies.

4.  And finally, while I'm not interested in running a "food porn" blog, my pics should not, at the very least, be painful to look at.

(Guess what? My inner Twoflower is telling me a photography class might be in order...)

I've just got back home (after being out for more than 12 hours) so I'm positively exhausted. I can't say I am happy with the organisation, even when I take into account the cheap price of the ticket. But I got to chat with other foodies and hopefully our online paths will cross in the future, so all in all, it has been a positive and interesting experience.

...Oh, and right now my sweetie's texting me about how much his son liked my Mario cake.

Yep I did it! Yay me!

I have lotsa pics to show you, of course, but I just don't have enough steam left in me to download them right now. 

Stay tuned!

Avast! Thar it blows... a M-ARR-io cake!

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Er. This would be it for today, actually.

But since you dropped by (which is AWESOME btw, thankyouthankyouthankyou!), I'll let you have a peek at what I'm currently up to, decorating-wise...

It's still a WIP of course, but I trust you can pretty much tell where I'm going.

And since it's September 17th, I get to call it a MARRio cake for a whole day! *nudge nudge* Geddit, uh?

This cake is meant as a special surprise for a kid who's turning eight today... but thankfully, his birthday party will be on Saturday, so unless something really bad happens to a) me, b) the cake, c) the sugarpaste figures or d) any combination of the above, I should be able to put it all together just in time...