[Cupcake Portraits] Discworld Personalities: Terry Pratchett

For those who really need to know, Terry Pratchett was born in Buckinghamshire in 1948. He's managed to avoid all interesting jobs authors take in order to look good in this sort of biography. In search for a quiet life he got a job as a Press officer with the Central Electricity Generating Board just after Three Mile Island, which shows the unerring sense of timing. Now a full time writer, he lives in Wiltshire with his wife and daughter. He likes people to buy him banana daiquiris (he knows people don't read author biographies, but feels it might be worth a try). 

- Good Omens

Time for a new Discworld personality to get a cupcake portrait! But, who shall it be? Not a witch. Not a wizard. Not a guard either! 

I confess I've toyed with a DEATH concept for a while, but then it occurred to me that there was another homage to be paid before that...

Image belongs to Paul Kidby @ http://www.paulkidby.net/

...because honouring the characters is all fine and good, but what about the author himself? 
And, what better day to do this than his birthday?

The Good Omens version of Terry Pratchett's bio made it super easy to find my concept, yet I had a little problem right there - namely, I had no idea what a Banana Daiquiri was (or, for that matter, how it was supposed to be pronounced even!)
So I did my fair bit of web-searching, and discovered it is basically a cocktail made with pureed banana, rum, triple sec, and lime juice. Debate is raging on between those who think it is kosher to throw in Crème de Banana liqueur as well, and those who are dead set against it. 
Also, when pronounced correctly it sounds like "DUCK hairy". True story!

So, to make a long story short - I picked what looked like the most widely accepted version of the cocktail and made myself a nice, big glass. All for the sake of research, you know how it is. 
Alas, much as I wanted to love it, I can't say I did - I'm guessing they add something to the banana puree in fancy pubs, because in its natural state it turns an icky brown in a matter of seconds, even with all the lime juice and alcohol and stuff mixed in. Also, the drink itself... it's not that it tasted bad, but it was thick and heavy and far too sweet. 

Uh... Sir Pratchett? I love you to pieces, I really do - but, you like yourself some seriously girly cocktail. Sorry, but it's true. 
Give me a Mojito or Black Russian any day!


Now about the cupcake version! 

You will need ripe bananas for it, although not nearly as squishy as you'd want them to be for banana bread. 
This is the ripeness stage you should be aiming for:

I found it easier to de-construct the cocktail, by making some seriously banany cupcakes and leaving it to the glaze to convey the booze-and-lime kick. The definite advantage to this approach is that the rum doesn't evaporate in the oven!
Even if you, too, find the original cocktail a bit meh, I think I can safely promise you'll love these cupcakes. A kid-friendly version is provided, but honestly... it's just not the same thing, y'know? 

Banana Daiquiri Cupcakes

Ingredients:

* 2 1/2 cups ripe bananas, pureed
* 3 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 tsp baking soda
* 1/2 tsp salt
* 3/4 cup butter, room temperature
* 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
* 1 cup light brown sugar
* 3 large eggs
* 1 1/2 cups buttermilk
* 3 Tbsp Crème de Banana (or 1/2 tsp banana extract)
* 1 tsp rum extract (optional - see recipe for the glaze, further down)

1.  Pre-heat oven to 350° F. 

2.  Sift the flour, salt, and baking soda into a bowl. 

3.  Cream the butter and sugars (use a stand mixer if possible.) Once they've fluffed up nicely, add in the eggs, one by one. 

4.  With a fork, whisk the Crème de Banana or banana extract (plus the rum extract, if using) and buttermilk together. 

5.  Set your stand mixer to its lowest speed, then add the dry ingredients and boozy buttermilk alternately. Pro bakers say you should start and end with the flour mix. 

6.  Puree the bananas by throwing them in a blender and pulsing briefly for 2-3 times. Quickly add them into the mixer bowl, so they won't have the time to turn brown on you. 

7.  Pour the batter into a cupcakes mold, lined with paper wrappers. 

I got a crapload (it's a technical term) o' cupcakes out of these doses - over 50 for sure. I had a small crowd to feed, but you can feel free to halve all doses (the eggs are tricky; I consider 2 medium eggs to be a fair estimate.)

8.  Carefully place a water-filled silicon cup on the oven's bottom. It will slowly evaporate and the humidity will make your cupcakes wonderfully soft and moist!

9.  Bake for about 20 minutes. Always test for doneness ofc; every oven is different!

(If using the boozy lime glaze, I suggest you prepare it while the cuppies bake, as it should be poured on them while they're still warm!)

10. Leave the cupcakes in the mold for about 5 minutes before removing them. Proceed to glaze them right away, then - once they have cooled down completely - frost and decorate them!

11.  Crack open your favourite Discworld novel. Have a toast to Terry Pratchett. Enjoy your cupcakes while reading away!


The glaze is where the serious booze comes into play, so if you're planning to let kids have a cupcake or three, you'll want to skip the alcohol altogether, and maybe add an half teaspoon rum extract to the batter itself. 
I most definitely do NOT recommend this if you're making them for yourself - it's one of the perks of being an adult!

I was lucky enough to find this gorgeous British-style lime marmalade... 

If you can't find it, you can simply make a simple syrup out of rum, lime juice, and sugar or honey. But the marmalade is a treat in itself, so if you can get your dirty paws on a jar, you'll be happy!

Rum & Lime Glaze

Ingredients:

* 3-4 limes

* Lime marmalade (or mild honey or sugar, diluted with more lime juice)

* Dark rum (omit if making the cupcakes for kids)

Juice the limes. 

While the cupcakes are baking, pour about 10 Tbsp lime marmalade and 4 Tbsp lime juice in a small saucepan. Heat on low fire, stirring constantly. 

Turn it off as soon as it starts simmering.

Stir in some rum, according to taste; 6 to 10 Tbsp should be fine. (Guess how many I used?)

As soon as the cupcakes can be removed from the mold, poke little holes into them with a toothpick...

...and pour about 1/2 Tbsp glaze on each. Most of the glaze should seep into the cupcakes - it helps if they're still warm - but it's ok if some of it pools on their top!

As for the frosting, I didn't want some heavy buttercream, so I went for Martha Stewart's "cloud frosting" (a.k.a. Seven-Minute Frosting), minus the vanilla extract. 

Her recipe involves egg whites and a candy thermometer (and lots of whisking!), yet it 's not difficult to make at all. 

And it results in a fluffy, creamy frosting which feels indeed cloud-like, and not overhelmingly greasy and sweet. 

Plus, it's so shiny and pretty when piped into fluffy swirls!

Instead of vanilla extract, I put in a few teaspoons more rum and Crème de Banana in my frosting, plus what was left of the lime juice. 

I'll admit this compromised its stability more than a little, as the icing was very soft and prone to deflating when left at room temperature - yet I think it really helped to tie all the flavous together, and was totally worth it!

I wouldn't try keeping the frosted cupcakes for more than 24 hours anyway, and even so, I'd recommend storing them in the fridge. I use pasteurized egg whites for all of my baking but, as they say, better safe than sorry!

You can always freeze the baked cupcakes, unglazed and unfrosted, until you're ready to eat them - they'll keep wonderfully that way!

These cupcakes are very soft (read this as: they're not simply a banana bread baked into a cupcake mold!), and since they're well soaked with lime and booze, they're beyond moist - simply irresistible!

Also, since they're supposed to mimic a Banana Daiquiri, they don't need much in the way of decoration. Simply stick a paper umbrella and a straw in them, top with a cocktail cherry, and garnish with a  thin slice of banana - just like you'd do with the cocktail itself!

[Cupcake Portraits] Discworld Personalities: Carrot Ironfoundersson

Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was. 

Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid. 

Carrot was not stupid. He was direct, and honest, and good-natured and honorable in all his dealings. In Ankh-Morpork this would normally have added up to "stupid" in any case and would have given him the survival quotient of a jellyfish in a blast furnace, but there were a couple of other factors. One was a punch that even trolls had learned to respect. The other was that Carrot was genuinely, almost supernaturally, likeable. He got on well with people, even while arresting them. He had an exceptional memory for names.

For most of his young life he'd lived in a small dwarf colony where there was hardly any other people to know. Then, suddenly, he was in a huge city, and it was as if a talent had been waiting to unfold. And was still unfolding.

- Men at Arms

It has been a while, uh? 

Well, fear not! The Fanbaking Project is definitely on!

But I must confess, this third installment gave me lots of trouble. 

See, as the Discworld Personalities series took shape in my mind, I figured out I could stick to some kind of rotation to make things easier for myself, and in the end the one that made the more sense seemed to be a Witch - Wizard - Guard - Random sort of thing. 

Which is to say, my third installment had to be a guard!

Now I realize Vimes would have been the expected choice, and you peeps are probably waiting hungrily (literally!) for his cupcake rendition. 

Fact is, Vimes terrifies me. He's such a complex character, and he changes so much from one book to the next - in short, I don't feel I can nail him down just yet. 

I needed someone simpler to portray in the meantime! 

And yes, you guessed it right - Who could be simpler than Carrot himself? 

Image belongs to graffitihead @ http://graffitihead.deviantart.com/

(I don't think anyone who has seen that Twins movie can help picturing Schwarzy in the role...)

As he is introduced to us in Guards! Guards!, Carrot could easily be mistaken for your average Lawful Stupid character. 

I mean, come on - he's some sort of red-headed, law-abiding jock who considers himself a dwarf by adoption, and always does things by the book. It looks like he's a bit of an oaf, if a hugely sympathetic and cuddly one.

But from Men at Arms onwards, we get to know him as a much more well-rounded character. 

To begin with, he is the rightful heir to the throne of Ankh-Morpork - which he knows all too well but, even since Vimes made him see how monarchy is a bad idea indeed, he has a conspiracy of silence going on, to the point that he often negates the obviousness of it in such a blatant way, it's hilarious.

Also, he's shown to possess a keen intellect, a sharp eye for details and a love of books (although his punctuation skills when writing are nothing short of abysmal) - yet he remains very much the honest, jovial, trustful fellow we knew (and loved) from the start. 

The only fault I could find with him is his debatable taste in women - but hey, the guy's a dwarf; he likes his grilfriends hairy. Just don't get me started about this. No, really - I'm serious. 

To me, the point with Carrot is that he's the proverbial glass you measure your view of the world against. 

He's my BFF Flavio's favourite character, and he reminds me of him in many ways - they both believe everyone is nice deep down, and that any controversy could be easily settled if only people were willing to have an earnest talk about it. To the likes of him, Carrot's strenght lies in his guileless nature, as his very attitude and example make people hate the idea of letting him down.

Less optimistic-minded people like yours truly, on the other hand, would be tempted to say that such a view is far too naive, and Carrot only manages to get away with it because of his royal charisma. 

Who's right? No one knows for sure, with the possible exception of Sir Pratchett himself - and he's not telling. Because in the end, this is the true power of books IMHO: that while tricking you into believing you're only discussing fictional situations and characters after all, they make you look deeper into yourself and your beliefs. 

But enough with philosophy, and back to cake - carrot cake, that is!

Which may seem an obvious enough choice, but believe me - Carrot's name was not the sole reason for it! 

Fact is, carrot cake is as simple and reliable as a dessert could get. It's healthy and sensible and traditional - my version especially, since it doesn't include nuts, fancy spices, chunks of tropical fruit or anything. Just your basic, comforting, by-the book ingredients, plus a slosh of beer to honour the character's dwarfish upbringing... 

Carrot Cupcakes

Ingredients:

* 1/2 cup butter (softened)

* 1/2 cup + 1 Tbsp 1/2 light brown sugar

* 2 eggs

* 175 g grated carrots (about 2 cups - see instructions)

* 1/3 cup beer (I used Budweiser - see instructions)

* 2 cups self-rising flour

* 1/2 tsp baking soda
* 1/4 tsp salt

1.  Scrape the carrots to remove all the dirt,  grate them, and allow them to dry thoroughly. (Don't skip the drying part, it's important!)
Also don't use the smallest holes of your grater, as I found out that if the carrots are grated too finely, your cupcakes will turn out soggy and dense, and will go bad pretty soon.

If you can grate them as coarsely as mine in the pic, the quantity you'll need is 2 cups, full but not super-packed. If you own a scale, you'd probably be better off weighing them! 

2.  Pre-heat oven to 320° F.

3.  Sift the self-rising flour, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl. 

4.  Cream the butter and sugar. 

5.  Whisk the eggs slightly, then slowly add them into the sugar and butter mix, one Tbsp at a time or so.

6.  Check that your carrots are really really dry and dump them in. Add the beer as well. 
It will look like an ugly mulch. Keep mixing! 

Before going on with the recipe, allow me to spend a few words about teh beer. 
Professional chefs will usually tell you not to cook/bake with booze you wouldn't want to drink, but in my experience, baking with beer is a bit of an exception. 
Believe me, I've tried baking these with a couple beers I love - a refreshing, hops-rich Bock, and a wonderfully rich Amber Ale - and in both instances I got a nasty, bitter flavour in my cupcakes, and a creepy sticky texture. I almost gave up on the carrot/beer concept altogether. The one that did the trick in the end, was humble Budweiser: it made my cupcakes wonderfully light and soft, and the beer flavour in them is not overwhelming and pleasantly sweet...

7.  Add in the flour mix, one couple spoonfuls at a time. Your batter will magically look like batter again!

8.  Line a cupcake mold with wrappers; I picked some silvery ones to suggest the guards' armour. The batter is enough for 12 cupcakes (but if you go with the "crown baked inside" decoration that I'm showing you further on, you'll get 22-24 - KEEP READING!)

9.  Remember to place a water-filled silicon cup on the oven's bottom before baking. It is the secret to get soft, moist cuppies!

10. Bake for about 35 minutes, or until the cupcakes feel soft and spongy to the touch. Test for doneness with a skewer - there's lots of wet ingredients in these babies, so you might have to adjust your baking time somewhat. 

11. As soon as the cupcakes have cooled down a little, seize one of them. Read it its rights, then eat it. And afterwards, you can write home about it. There, you're done! 


At the risk of sounding immodest, I will say I'm really happy with this recipe, and I'm not even a fan of carrot cake usually - and no, I don't have a bias against veggies in my desserts, and you should know as much. It's just that carrot cakes are typically soggy, with a slightly slimy texture that I can't stomach. 
Now these cupcakes, they're like an airy, fluffy, delicious sponge cake. You can taste (and see!) the carrots inside, but they don't feel weird and chunky under your teeth; and there's a hint of mellowness from the beer, although it's light enough that it doesn't feel like an "adult dessert" at all (you'll have to judge this for yourself, of course, but I'd say these are safe for even kids to eat.)

They're yummy as-is, or topped with a dusting of powdered sugar and cinnamon if you really can't stand not to have a hint of spice with your carrot cake. 
Or you could make some cream cheese icing to go with them, like I did for the photo shots. It's runny and messy, and I think its sweetness kills the cupcake's subtler flavour, but it's what you'd traditionally pour on a carrot cake proper, and - what with this being a Carrot-inspired recipe - I wanted to stick to the rules as much as possible. 

...But, wait! Is there no decoration at all on them? 

Sad but true. As fun as sculpted badges, swords, and regulation books would have been, I learned from bitter experience not to put fondant on top of slushy frosting - and this one's even soupier than Granny's! 
So, I went down a different route this time, and baked the decoration inside the cupcakes. Thus, when you cut them... 

...Carrot's distinctive crown-shaped birthmark is revealed! 

It is an easy enough technique, if a bit time-consuming. I don't know who came up with it in the first place; I've seen lots of tutorials online and I have no idea which one's the original. 

Basically, to make these you'll need to mix two batches of batter, and to tint one darker. 
Powdered food colours would be ideal for the job; liquid ones take forever (guess which kind I had on hand, uh?)

It doesn't look like there's a huge difference in the pic, but the colours will darken as they're baked. 
It's also worth reminding here that since the batter itself is orange, you'll have an easier job making it darker if you use a contrasting colour such as blue or green, as opposed to red or brown. You can add a bit of black too, but don't overdo it!

Next you need to grease a sheet cake pan and pour the darker batter in it. 
Bake it for slightly longer than you would the cupcakes, as you'll be cutting up the resulting cake, so you need it to be firm. 
I happened to have a crown-shaped cookie cutter, but you can easily freehand the outline, using a paper template as a guide - the simpler the shape, the better! 

Just make sure that your cake cut-outs aren't too big to fit vertically inside a cupcake mold! 
Mine were, so I trimmed off the base... 

...and stuck one little crown inside each wrapper, after putting a bit of the lighter batter on the bottom to help it standing. 
Remember: ALL THE CROWNS MUST FACE THE SAME WAY IN THE MOLD! 

Don't fret about the cut-outs being completely covered in batter; it will rise anyway, and if there's still some darker bits sticking out in the end, they will be covered by icing. 

Mine are actually way overfilled - the batter didn't spill out, but try to resist the urge to put in so much! 

As you take out the baked cuppies, YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO REMEMBER WHICH WAY THE CROWNS ARE FACED - because if the cupcake is cut at the wrong angle, of course you won't be able to make out the shape. 
You can simply mark the bottom of the wrapper with a pencil, or cut shield-like "badges" out of golden paper and glue them on the front of the wrappers - I went with the latter solution, as it also worked to reinforce the whole Watch theme. 

This was all there is to it, really. 
Enjoy your Carrot cupcakes, and please let me know how you liked them! 

Guinness Black Bottom Mint Cupcakes

"Well, you can bake with Guinness, you know. It makes chocolate taste even more chocolatey."

Honestly, mentioning such a thing to my sweetie in casual conversation? You'd think I should know better by now. 

I had to make it happen in my kitchen. Which is totally fine with me btw, because it gave me an excuse to buy a four-pack o' Guinness. And the recipe only calls for one cup! See what I'm gettin' at here? 

To be honest, Stout is not my top choice beer-wise - I'm kind of more of a Red Ale girl. Give me one of those rich, sligtly caramel-flavoured, amber-hued beauties any day!

For baking, though, no beer ever gave me better results than Guinness - and not for lack of trying, believe me! 

(Hint, hint: a little something might be boiling for the Discworld Personalities series. Stay tuned...)

A Google search for "Guinness chocolate cupcakes" produced a ton of results, most of them St. Patrick's Day-related. Which is shame becaaaause, well, this is an awesome combo and deserves to be enjoyed all year long!

And among them all I easily picked Guinnes Black Bottom Mint Cupcakes, by Tanya of Lemons for Lulu. 

...What? They have mint. Your argument is invalid. 

Now this is the point where I'd usually do a quick introduction of my fellow foodie, but hers is a blog I was totally unfamiliar with. 

Now that I've tried these cupcakes though, I'm definitely going to add it to my feeds - they're beyond awesome! Go grab the recipe NOW!

These cupcakes turned out rich but not overly heavy, and with the perfect degree of moisture as far as I'm concerned (yes, there is such thing as "too moist" - I don't like cakes that are all sticky inside!)

Another thing I love about these babies, is thay they need no frosting, which makes them super easy to handle and carry around... although if you were to soak them with peppermint ale and spoon a nice big dollop of After Eight ice cream on one of them, no one would complain for sure! 

They are delicious warm, room temperature and chilled, and freeze quite well.  

You know what they say about happiness not being for sale? Well, Guinness is! 

And with Guinness, you can treat yourself to a batch of these cupcakes. Which is the same thing, or pretty darn close!

Superhero Cupcakes - at last!

Remember back in February, when I told you I was making superhero-themed cupcakes for the opening session of my friends' new RPG campaign, set in the Marvel universe?

Well, as you know, that batch... didn't turn out as expected. So I took a page from any good supervillain's book and bided my time. Planning ahead. Waiting for the next special session...

...which could logically, at that point, only be the closing one. 

(Insert cheesy flash-forward effect here, s'il-vous plaît...)

And here are, at last, my superz cupcakes!

I knew Flavio wouldn't be able to attend the session, which is kinda sad, I presume (since, unlike me, he's a rabid superheroes fan). But to me, my uber-picky BFF's absence meant that I wouldn't be limited to chocolate cupcakes anymore! 

Before going into that, though, I have to tell you about the decorating part - although I know my readers are smart and will have recognized the edible sugar sheets already!

I used Wilton's, and boooooy... is that stuff brittle!

And pricey. Did I mention pricey?

Now seriously, this is all there is to it. I cut some spikey balloons - there must be a proper definition for these LOL - in outrageously garish primaries, then sketched your typical superhero comics sound effects with a food marker, and cut these out as well. 

I used tiny sewing scissors and lots of patience, and still had managed to break many of the onomatopoeias... 

(See? I can use the correct technical terms when I want to!)

Although you can't see them from the photo above (which is the only one I had the time to take before the cuppies were carried away - so much for me planning ahead, all evil mastermind-like...), the wrappers were as relevant to the superhero theme as the cupcakes themselves. 

I bought them from one of my favourite Etsy shops, cakeadoodledoo - I got the boy design only, at 15 € (plus shipping) for a set of 12. 

I truly recommend you Tricia's shop, really - her wrappers and favour boxes are funny, creative and extremely functional. You might, of course, balk at the cost, but for that very special occasion once in a while, they're well worth splurging! Plus, Wilton's laser-cut wrapper packs don't come for much cheaper either... and Tricia's are handcrafted!

Image belongs to Tricia @ https://www.etsy.com/shop/cakeadoodledoo

(The following pics were stolen by my sweetie with his trusty smartphone during the gaming session itself, btw...)

As you can see, the edible paper sort of softened into the frosting. This is actually supposed to happen btw!

The food marker bleeding, on the other hand, was unexpected and a bit of a bummer... but I guess it's my fault for using a very soft, cream cheese-based frosting. I bet it wouldn't have happened, had I used proper buttercream or ganache instead... oh well! 

Now about the cupcakes themselves! 

They were lemon-flavoured, as I still have plenty of the gorgeous lemons I brought back from my blitz holiday on the Amalfi coast. 

The original recipe's called Lemon Blossom Cupcakes and it's from a cookbook called The Cupcake Diaries, by Katherine Kallinis and Sophie Kallinis LaMontagne - but you can get it from here as well, courtesy of Bundt-loving blogger extraordinaire, The Food Librarian!

(She's absolutely right about the grated zest quantity btw... My lemons were huge but 1/2 cup just doesn't make sense. I used 2 of them and called it a day - and I think more than that would have been overkill actually!)

The cupcakes turned out delicious and very lemon-y, if a bit too dense and buttery for my taste. I'll take crumbly over moist any day, but that's just me - I have uncontrovertible evidence that the gamers loved them as they were!

Shit happens!

Did you know that this by-now proverbial piece of wisdom originated from the Forrest Gump movie?

I certainly didn't - and I've watched it a few times, too!

...Well, anyway.

My friends and roleplaying buddies have started a new campaign, set in the Marvel universe. 

Now much as I love everything comics, superheroes have never been my cuppa - there's just something about the genre's whole concept that irks me beyond measure. 

There has been a time when I was so desperate for my weekly RPG fix that I'd have ended up playing nevertheless, and hating every single minute spent at the gaming table. It happened before, that's how I know. 

Yet luckily, we're having another game going on at the same time, and I love that one so much, I don't mind skipping the superz game.  

So, since I'm getting free Friday evenings for a while, I thought I could put them to good use and test a few interesting-looking recipes I found on Pinterest. 

Why, I told myself, I'll bake some outrageously good cupcakes and see if I can come up with a superheroes theme for them, because sooner or later I will be requested to decorate a cake for some nerdery I don't really care for, and I can use the challenge. And, should it turn up I can't, I'll still have my perfect cupcakes!

I knew right from the start I'd have to make chocolate cupcakes because Flavio, my uber-picky BFF, won't eat baked anything unless it's truly chocolate-heavy. 

No problem there, as I was itching to try Kevin & Amanda's Brownie Batter Chocolate Fudge Cupcakes anyway!

It is actually a doctored-up cake mix recipe, which should have rung a bell in the first place as one of my hugest baking débâcles, dating back to a time before this blog, featured cake mix as one of the ingredients. 

I don't know, I just find mixes to be unpleasantly unpredictable... plus, it makes little sense for me to use them, because the American products most recipes call for aren't readily available in Italy and when I can find them at all, they cost me an arm and a leg - so making my batter from scratch is both easier and less expensive as far as I'm concerned. 

But, this recipe sounded SO GOOD! I mean... Brownie Batter Chocolate Fudge Cupcakes, right? So I hunted down Betty Crocker's Devil's Food mix and set out to baking, only halving my measures as I managed to get hold of just one box. 

The brownie balls had to be prepared in advance and frozen, which was a bummer - still, the dough tasted incredible. Things were definitely going as planned.

But when I baked the cupcakes proper... well, THIS is what happened. 

Fail! Fail! OMG EPIC FAIL!

My cupcakes imploded; there's no nicer way to put it - unless I claim they were hit by meteor fragments, which would be bordering on bad taste seeing what happened in Russia earlier today.

Of course I could camouflage the wreckage by slathering them with frosting - whopsie, make that Outrageously Rich Chocolate Indulgence Frosting, s'il vous plaît - but this is just not The Way I Do Things. 

I guess I'll simply take it like a brave soldier and keep them all to myself! 

Now these cupcakes, they may not display a cute, gentle dome and soft brownie heart, but they're good as hell!

Even the "outer shells" I'm left with are definitely more brownie than cupcake, and I suspect they'll get even more brownie-like as they age (meaning: they're going to crust, not dry out.) 

I think I'll crumble one into my granola and try it with milk, or yogurt maybe - also, I want to see what happens if I pour hot coffee into the crater. Oooh, and I could play around with ice cream, too!
WOOT! SCIENCE!

So, here's the moral of the story for you: shit happens, and that's a given. Then again: when life throws a cupcake fiasco at you, YOU GET TO EAT THE REMAINS! MWAHAHAHAHA!

...Right?

PS - Yes, I did have my superz decorations all done, but I'm not going to show them now - I'm saving them for another occasion, when I'll bake a new batch sticking to a tested, well-trusted recipe. I still have no idea what went wrong with this one - I made no weird substitutions for once! - but there are times when safe's better than sorry!

[Cupcake Portraits] Discworld Personalities: Rincewind

Rincewind had eaten in many countries on the Disc, and sometimes he’d been able to complete an entire meal before having to run away. And they’d always lacked something. Oh, people did great things with spices and olives and yams and rice and whatnot, but what he’d come to crave was the humble potato.

Time was when a plate of mash or chips would have been his for the asking. All he’d needed to do was wander down to the kitchens and ask. Food was always available for the asking at Unseen University, you could say that for the place, even if you said it with your mouth full. And, ridiculous though it sounded now, he’d hardly ever done that. The dish of potatoes’d come past at mealtimes and he’d probably have a spoonful but, sometimes, he wouldn’t! He’d… let… the… dish… go… by. He’d have rice instead. Rice! All very nutritious in its way, but basically only grown where potatoes would’ve floated to the surface.

He’d remember those times, sometimes, usually in his sleep, and wake up shouting, "Will you pass the potatoes, please!"

Sometimes he remembered the melted butter. Those were the bad days.

— The Last Continent

If you've been wondering why it took me so long to post a second installment in my Discworld Personalities series, well... look no further than the quote above.

Rincewind and potatoes, this much was a no-brainer; but finding a recipe I could actually use was a nightmare. The easy way out would have been to pick any old cake with a pinch of potato starch in it and tweak the measurements to cupcake-ify it, but that would have felt like cheating - I was going for the real thing here. Because Rincewind deserves no less!

Now, Heather from Sprinkle Bakes has a recipe for Chocolate/Mashed Potatoes Cupcakes, and I was kinda hoping I could simply swipe it and call it a day.
So I boiled some potatoes, made a wonderful mash (it had salt and pepper in it, plus sour cream and yes, melted butter), ate more of it than I care to admit, and forced myself to spare a small quantity for baking...

...and, sure enough, I got some cutesy cupcakes. 

Only, you know... as soon as I tried one, I realized I couldn't use them. 

It's not that they weren't good - Heather is one of those bakers who couldn't bake a bad cupcake if they tried - but they'd hardly risen at all, and once cool they even appeared to have shrunk a little. They were heavy and dense and filling, just as Heather had said they would be, but while I was quite excited about the batter itself (as it would make a wonderful base for a decorated cake IMHO), they just didn't feel right for what I wanted to do here. 

I crumbled the remaining cupcakes, mixed pineapple marmalade into them, and got myself some gorgeous pops - that cheered me up quite a lot. Still, I had to keep repeating to myself in a slightly dazed way: These AREN'T the cupcakes I am looking for. 

I had to come up with a recipe of my own, and in order to do that I asked myself: Who is this Rincewind character anyway?

Image belongs to GilJimbo @ http://giljimbo.deviantart.com
(In my head, Rincewind looks a bit like Shaggy from the Scooby Doo cartoon actually...)

...He is the protagonist of the first two Discworld novels, so that if you read the books in chronological order, you can't help having a soft spot for him - well, I can't, if nothing else.  Hadn't I liked him so much, I doubt I'd have wanted to delve further in the series. 

-> I must bake something that would ideally convert a cupcake novice to these wonderful treats, and have him/her asking for more!

...He is (usually described as) a coward, and an all-around boring individual. Now, unless we are talking Faust Eric (you don't want me to get started on that one), I have to disagree - while it is true that he has little or no curiosity and despises adventure for adventure's sake, he is the sort of reliable fellow who will always help a friend out of trouble, no matter what. As one who enjoys her daily routine, to the point that I even dislike travelling, his is an attitude I can totally get behind - still, I'll admit that Rincewind is more fun when he teams up with bubblier, more active characters.

-> His cupcakes must be yummy in a homely, reassuring way. Potatoes are thrown in because Rincewind loves them so much, but they're not supposed to be detectable by taste; they're only meant to create a crumbly texture. Surprising new flavours are really not called for here; what I'm aiming for is something (delicious on its own but, so to speak, nothing to write home about) to be paired up with a nice classical frosting and to actually exalt it. 

...He is a bit of a cynic (although not nearly as much as other characters), his snarky retorts providing hilarious balance to the more idealistic individuals he always ends up stuck with. He'd never head into danger on some matter of principle like heroes do on a day-to-day basis, but there are things he'll stand up for - I won't spoil Sourcery for those who haven't read it, but if you don't feel like giving him a hug by the end of that book, you must be dead. 

-> I want his cupcakes to be slightly crusty on the outside, but with a tender, crumbly heart. 

...He is an utter failure as a wizard, unable as he is to cast even the simplest spell, yet a wizard he is - he sticks to this belief, and to his battered pointy hat, with a dogged determination that actually resonates with me on a very personal level. Sourcery may be one of my least favourite novels plot-wise, but I'll be damned if Rincewind doesn't leave me all misty-eyed every time I read that particular scene - and, dammit, I'm a linguist too, even though I earn my living by slaving away in a call center!

-> Rincewind's hat will be my preeeminent inspiration for decorating. 

Keeping all of this in mind, I set out to bake. Here's what I came up with! 

Potato Cupcakes

Ingredients:

* 1 cup potatoes, boiled the day before

* 2 cups all-purpose flour

* 1/2 + 1/3 cup granulated sugar

* 3 Tbsp butter (cold from the fridge)

* 2 eggs

* 1/2 tsp salt

* 3 tsp baking powder

1.  Pre-heat oven to 400° F.

2.  Sift the flour in a large bowl. 

3.  Peel the potatoes you boiled the day before (you did, didn't you?) Mash them with a fork, then measure by packing into a cup. 
Transfer the mush into a sieve, and sift them on top of the flour. (The easiest way would be pressing the potatoes with a spoon to force them through the sieve.)

4.  Add the other ingredients on top of them, in no particular order. The only important thing is, the butter must be cold. 

5.  Work the ingredients with your fingers, as quickly as possible so the butter doesn't melt. The dough will be slushy at first, but as you work it, it will turn thicker and stickier.

6.  Line a cupcake mold with (red) paper wrappers. The dough will want to form clumps as you fill them. This is great! And if it's thick enough for you to actually crumble it, even better!

My doses yeld 12 cupcakes, by the way!

7.  Remember to place a water-filled silicon cup on the oven's bottom before baking. It is the secret to get soft, moist cuppies!

8.  Bake for 12-15 minutes. The cupcakes will have gone all golden and puffy!

9.  If you don't want to bother with decorations, this is the best moment to enjoy them! While they're hot from the oven, put a little piece of butter on top of each and let it melt - Rincewind would so approve of this, you know... - then dust them slightly with powdered sugar and...

10. ...RUN!

I deliberately skipped vanilla extract or any other flavouring, but you can use them if you really want to. I wanted texture to be the real star!

These babies are meant to unobtrusively enhance the flavour of any frosting you may choose to couple them with; me, I thought a classical, comforting frosting would be better suited to both the cupcakes themselves and the concept, so I picked Stef's Chocolate/Cream Cheese Frosting recipe from Cupcake Project. 

I really loved the combo, although I am very tempted to use a clear frosting next time (white chocolate maybe?), just so I can tint it a nice red!

Now for the decorating part, using a cutter like I did for Granny Weatherwax would work great, as would modelling the hat itself out of red fondant. 

I chose a different, more symbolic approach, as Rincewind's wizzard hat is not only the character's strongest visual pointer - what with the misspelling, the "symbols of occult significance", and the glittery star on top that is really cardboard and shedding sequins all over the place - but also a vital part of what he is. 

If you like my solution, just melt some chocolate (in the microwave, in a double boiler or in a small saucepan directly - just take care not to burn it!) Tempering it is not necessary, unless you really want to; untempered chocolate is prone to melting and not nearly as shiny and crunchy, but we'll be painting it anyway, so it won't matter. 

Now you need to make yourself a paper cone. If you don't know how it's done, here's a handy tutorial!

Write WIZZARD on a piece of paper; it will be your guide while piping. Mind that the letters all touch, so that the word will be a single piece - it will save you lots of hassle!

Take a scrap of baking paper, rub a little butter or shortening on it and wipe off the excess with a paper towel (you want it to be just a little slippery, not super-greasy!)

Place the written paper under it, so you can see the guidelines through the baking paper; trace the letters with chocolate, then move the baking paper slightly and repeat. Make more WIZZARDs than you think you'll need, because a few are bound to break/smear/get ruined somehow. It's just how it goes!

You could pipe the stars and symbols too, or cut them out of fondant. Remember to make some larger stars for the tip of the hat; if they turn out a little wonky, it's actually good because it will look old and battered, as it should!

Once the chocolate has dried, paint the decorations with edible golden powder. A single coating will do; you don't want them to look like solid gold, as they are supposed to be paltry anyway...

If you can find some star- and moon-shaped sprinkles, by any means use them! (I think my "moons" were supposed to be bananas but what the heck...) 

You can scatter a few on the serving plate as well, to suggest the loose sequins. 

You're done!